Following are the actual sentences from CVs/Resumes!

1. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
2. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
3. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
4. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
5. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
6. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
7. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
8. “I’ve an excellent track record, although I’m not a horse.”
9. “You’ll want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “I’ve become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
11. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

12. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
13. “I’m loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
14. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
15. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
16. Interests: “Gossiping.”
17. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
18. Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
19. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
20. Additional skills: “I’m a Notary Republic.”
21. Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”
22. Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”
23. Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”
24. Salary Expected: “Yes”
25. Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”
26. Emergency Contact Number: “911.”

The 8 Reasons Why You Should Have Your CV Written by a Professional.


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